“Rules of Radio”
Dan Hubert, VE9DAN
(Originally published sometime in 1996 or
1997)
Source: www.eham.com
1) There shall be no talking by the family
during a QSO.
2) The XYL shall assist with antenna
construction when and only when required.
3) The shack budget will take precedence over
all other incidental items such as mortgages,
food, echoes, etc.
4) Christmas stocking stuffers for the OM
must include at least two items for the shack
(total value of not less than $300).
5) Flea markets, hamfests, and field days
over-rule family holidays.
6) Furry pets are not allowed near the rig
(except for testing purposes).
7) TVI never occurs within the home, or if it
does, is negligible and does not count.
8) All trees around QTH shall be considered
antenna supports, and not "greenery",
"landscaping", or other such nonsense.
Corollary: Any tree may be cut down, pruned,
poisoned, dug up, or otherwise removed should
it be in the way of wire.
9) The last postage stamp and envelope in the
home shall be reserved for direct QSL
mailings, and not for personal letters,
bills, or mail orders (unless orders are for
shack).
10) Any number of holes may be drilled in the
family car to accommodate mobile whips.
Corollary: Coax may droop across the steering
column occasionally.
11) Never herewith shall insurance coverage
of shack items be less than triple the
replacement value, notwithstanding acts of
God.
12) Burger King must never allow the holy
whopper oven to cool.
13) Newly licensed hams must honor, praise,
look up to, ask easy questions of, and
purchase coffee for, old guys.
14) The XYL shall anticipate good band
propagation conditions at all times, and
whenever rare DX flows in, she shall without
fail;
a) keep log when requested;
b) hold all phone calls - except those from
other hams;
c) call the OM's work QTH the next morning
and cover his absence with a good excuse;
d) appear very excited;
e) change all her plans to suit;
f) provide steaming coffee at 45 minute
intervals;
g) cancel all household chores, and in
particular, cancel vacuuming.
15) All materials owned by the work QTH can
and will be used for ham projects.
16) These rules may be modified at any time,
without notice, to continuously be in the
OM's best interest.
17) The most recent licensee must beareth the
brunt of our collective teasing until the
next new licensee fills his humiliated shoes.
18) All members of all radio clubs must
support, in unsurpassed vigor and
cooperation, whatever the resident "contest
man" suggests-ith.
19) Whence OM bears unrelentless fright of
tower height, others must climbeth said
structure unfailingly upon request.
20) Refer longstanding rule #15. Verily, if
you cannot convince work QTH to donateth
items for thine shack, thou shalt quit said
despicable workplace without notice. Simply
QRT-eth hastily-eth.
21) New rule added by Rich, WB2MBM, August
11/97 via pactor: I'd like to add a rule to
the list... "Coax cables may be routed to
achieve the lowest loss, regardless of
whether they cause doors, windows, etc., to
be blocked or otherwise not to function. And
if the house appears to be trapped in a sort
of rubber "spider's web," that's a plus
rather than a minus."
